I am feeling better today,no more miserable thoughts, stop moaning I said and I had a word with myself,I didn't feel like i was being me with all the worry and moaning, its just not my style.
although I have things to worry about I refuse to let them take over my life, cancer has taken enough time away from me and I must remember I am the boss!
I have had a few pains in my chest,to be honest its very painful to say the least, so I plucked up the courage to call the CNS and tell her that it was painful and I had concerns, needless to say they were helpful and reassuring as always and have brought my appointment forward to tomorrow. I.m not sure what they will do/say, I will cross that bridge tomorrow.
as for today we have had lots to be happy for, Lottie has started back at nursery and is really enjoying it, Its great for her to be back doing what three year olds should do. I really miss her, she is so much fun and keeps me entertained, but it only makes me enjoy the times she is at home even more than before.so is so perfect, when I look at her I cant quite believe how lucky I am and how amazing it is that I am part of what made her and she is everything me and Keith ever dreamed for.
For being such a good girl me and Mandy took Lottie out for dinner, Its been a hard day, first real steps to getting our old life back, with trying to get Lottie settled at nursery and going into work for the first time in a while. I was really nervous about seeing people but it was nice but I felt odd, like a new starter etc, but I miss it, and the people. when I m ready I will return and be moaning about it before you know it :-)
just as we take our first few steps forward Keith is poorly, off to hospital but home again , nothing serious but he isn't very well :0( my turn to look after him for a few days, least I might feel useful and needed, I cant remember the last time I felt like that.
time for bed soon, long day tomorrow at hospital, hope there isn't too much of a wait, I am really tired and would like a nap!
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