I m escaping, getting out of this town and the same surroundings, for two nights but thats all I need
something to look forward to
a break with Mandy, Mum, Lottie Carla and Z
girls fun by the sea, thanks to mand finding us the break, cant wait, going this weekend, Lottie is excited and so am I, lots to do but havent the energy!
had some god news today, the last injection was a success, my neuts are at an all time high!
keep singing that stupid wanted song, how do you get up from an all time low,
that may be my neuts theme tune !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0LV_bETEzs
looks like the expensive injection worked , which was really good , as it meant it was worth doing and conquering the fear of injecting myself
spoke to my CNS today, she said I will have the injection again after the next chemo, its great not to have ulcers this round, have been "panic eating" which is what I call wanting and eating random things at random times incase the ulcers arrive the next day and as they stop me eating for a about a week, but it hasnt happned this time, so I need to be more careful ! and eat a bit more healthy as it looks like I can eat what I want for three weeks in a row this time.
The next chemo will be on the 5th May ...... no more news , cancer is getting boring now right!
so do one Lenny, I m bored of you
Not the news I wanted but I m going to fight on
well this morning was the day, results of the PET scan, and I was hoping for seriously good news, but in my heart I knew it wouldn't be great news!
and I was right, more chemo needed Lenny is still there!
I thought we would be here but hoped to hear some better words, like well done Mrs M, you are a medical marvel, all fixed, off you go, your hair will return and we don't need to see you for ages now, off you go!
but no such luck, he tried to upload the picture on the screen to show me but the computer wouldn't play and I couldn't see how much it had reduced
the prof seemed pleased and was happy with the result, he wants me to have 5 chemos and then PET scan again, so today is 4, and then 5th May is chemo 5, then another scan to see where we are, fingers crossed its all gone then. or I may need more chemo, I can have up to 8 chemo sessions.
who knows what the future holds for me, that's the part I cant handle to b honest, the not knowing, not being able to plan much.
but then the positive news, nothing under the arm, the armpit is clear, which is good, and the prof said good progress, all in the right direction, he was happy, so I have decided to be happy with the result, it was unrealistic to expect it to be all gone now. that would make me a medical marvel, the incredible healing woman! and lets face it, I m not that lucky!
The fight continues, I will still be the winner, I m confident of that , just the battle will be a little longer than I hoped for !
and I was right, more chemo needed Lenny is still there!
I thought we would be here but hoped to hear some better words, like well done Mrs M, you are a medical marvel, all fixed, off you go, your hair will return and we don't need to see you for ages now, off you go!
but no such luck, he tried to upload the picture on the screen to show me but the computer wouldn't play and I couldn't see how much it had reduced
the prof seemed pleased and was happy with the result, he wants me to have 5 chemos and then PET scan again, so today is 4, and then 5th May is chemo 5, then another scan to see where we are, fingers crossed its all gone then. or I may need more chemo, I can have up to 8 chemo sessions.
who knows what the future holds for me, that's the part I cant handle to b honest, the not knowing, not being able to plan much.
but then the positive news, nothing under the arm, the armpit is clear, which is good, and the prof said good progress, all in the right direction, he was happy, so I have decided to be happy with the result, it was unrealistic to expect it to be all gone now. that would make me a medical marvel, the incredible healing woman! and lets face it, I m not that lucky!
The fight continues, I will still be the winner, I m confident of that , just the battle will be a little longer than I hoped for !
results day
I haven't blogged for ages, haven't had anything great to say, and when i was younger mum said in that case its best to say nothing!
I don't want to be a misery but the waiting is terrible , I really cant cant handle the waiting! I m not this patient!
Had my bloods today, hopefully they are all ok for tomorrow, I should be having chemo tomorrow as well as seeing the prof in the clinic with the results of Mondays PET scan,
everyone keep their fingers crossed for some good news, we really could do with some happy news, life has been full of misery at the moment, not just for me, but for my friends too, all with their own worries. I didn't realise life was this cruel.
I cant stop looking at peoples hair when i am out, I have hair envy, not just the good hair anymore, any hair would be a bonus at the moment! its cold having a bald head and not all the hair has fallen out so its in between which is just annoying! , its a bit like the hamlet advert, hair around the sides but none on top! the monk look, maybe it will catch on, I should style it out and show it off! not!
Not knowing what tomorrow holds makes me feel like I m on hold, on hold with my life, and the family and Lottie, after tomorrow we can plan more things, know what the next few weeks hold, at the moment it could be more chemo or radiotherapy or even a different type of chemo, I do hate not being in control! not that I m bossy or anything! :-)
I don't want to be a misery but the waiting is terrible , I really cant cant handle the waiting! I m not this patient!
Had my bloods today, hopefully they are all ok for tomorrow, I should be having chemo tomorrow as well as seeing the prof in the clinic with the results of Mondays PET scan,
everyone keep their fingers crossed for some good news, we really could do with some happy news, life has been full of misery at the moment, not just for me, but for my friends too, all with their own worries. I didn't realise life was this cruel.
I cant stop looking at peoples hair when i am out, I have hair envy, not just the good hair anymore, any hair would be a bonus at the moment! its cold having a bald head and not all the hair has fallen out so its in between which is just annoying! , its a bit like the hamlet advert, hair around the sides but none on top! the monk look, maybe it will catch on, I should style it out and show it off! not!
Not knowing what tomorrow holds makes me feel like I m on hold, on hold with my life, and the family and Lottie, after tomorrow we can plan more things, know what the next few weeks hold, at the moment it could be more chemo or radiotherapy or even a different type of chemo, I do hate not being in control! not that I m bossy or anything! :-)
12.50 and wide awake
wednesday night and I m wide awake which makes a change from being totally shattered
but wish I was shattered or could switch the thinking buton off to get some shut eye tonight
Been a busy week already, trip to the UCLH on monday, small enlarged lypmphnode under the armpit, the short version of the story is that maybe its a infection , anitbiotics prescribed and will have to wait for the scan. or maybe is something nasty, knowing my luck the last of the two.
PET scan is booked for monday,I m nervous as this is what we have been waiting for! the big scan, to tell us what the last 56 days have been for, the upset, pain, good and bad times, the worry for mum and dad, the worry for hubby and Mandy and everyone that has sent the lovely messages, cards, presents, texts and calls
heres hoping its good news, that Lenny ( unlike most men) listened, gahtered his stuff and moved on to lymphoma retirement home, for unwanted, unloved tumours, where he can put some slippers on, read the paper and watch a bit of tv, while some terrible music plays in the background, and some dodgey dinner arrives on a nasty trolley( a bit like the hospital!)
but wish I was shattered or could switch the thinking buton off to get some shut eye tonight
Been a busy week already, trip to the UCLH on monday, small enlarged lypmphnode under the armpit, the short version of the story is that maybe its a infection , anitbiotics prescribed and will have to wait for the scan. or maybe is something nasty, knowing my luck the last of the two.
PET scan is booked for monday,I m nervous as this is what we have been waiting for! the big scan, to tell us what the last 56 days have been for, the upset, pain, good and bad times, the worry for mum and dad, the worry for hubby and Mandy and everyone that has sent the lovely messages, cards, presents, texts and calls
heres hoping its good news, that Lenny ( unlike most men) listened, gahtered his stuff and moved on to lymphoma retirement home, for unwanted, unloved tumours, where he can put some slippers on, read the paper and watch a bit of tv, while some terrible music plays in the background, and some dodgey dinner arrives on a nasty trolley( a bit like the hospital!)
Update! misery has left the building, and hopfeully is taking Lenny with him!
Its been a few days since last logged on, after lots of lovely messages and a nice few days with the family , Lotties birthday, mummys day and a fun day out with Carla too and I feel loads better and I m no longer a misery
lots of news ...........
where to start?
Thursday I spoke to the CNS clinical nurse specialist, I had a letter which said they wanted to scan me early, couldn't have come on a worse day, was already a state and it tipped me over the edge, worrying and upset followed but have decided to look at it this way, we will have more of an update before we thought we would, just not very good at unexpected stuff, thought I knew where we were! but they want to check me out, and have an appointment for Monday for the PET scan, off tomorrow to clinic to get checked out too as had a few aches and pains, so want to check everything is ok.
Then Thursday 14th is chemo and seeing the Prof, he should have all the results then, we should know where we are, what this chemo has done to Lenny, if has has packed all his belongings, or maybe he has left some stuff behind, he isn't a good house guest so I am expecting he has left some rubbish behind
so although the 14th could potentially be the last chemo, I m not putting all my hopes on it! fingers crossed it is though!
Had lotties 3rd birthday yesterday, had the best day, and it was mummy's day too!
she really is a special girl, she loved her presents, its was a fun filled day! first year she really understood the Birthday thing! she has a brilliant party, balloon man Steve was just perfect! and Shaun the sheep came too,although shaun wasnt popular with the brirthday girl although Lottie loved him before the party! fickle toddles, you can never win! he is her fave programme!
Lottie was most pleased to see her handsome friend Sam from nursery! a real great surprise for her, and it made her day ! ours too, lovely to see them so happy and playing nicely. she loved her new bike even if she did nearly brake daddy's back as he had to push it around for her! all her and our friends were there and we hope they enjoyed it as much as we did, she has so many beautiful presents, thank you to you all for coming and making it such a good time! already thinking about next year!
lots of news ...........
where to start?
Thursday I spoke to the CNS clinical nurse specialist, I had a letter which said they wanted to scan me early, couldn't have come on a worse day, was already a state and it tipped me over the edge, worrying and upset followed but have decided to look at it this way, we will have more of an update before we thought we would, just not very good at unexpected stuff, thought I knew where we were! but they want to check me out, and have an appointment for Monday for the PET scan, off tomorrow to clinic to get checked out too as had a few aches and pains, so want to check everything is ok.
Then Thursday 14th is chemo and seeing the Prof, he should have all the results then, we should know where we are, what this chemo has done to Lenny, if has has packed all his belongings, or maybe he has left some stuff behind, he isn't a good house guest so I am expecting he has left some rubbish behind
so although the 14th could potentially be the last chemo, I m not putting all my hopes on it! fingers crossed it is though!
Had lotties 3rd birthday yesterday, had the best day, and it was mummy's day too!
she really is a special girl, she loved her presents, its was a fun filled day! first year she really understood the Birthday thing! she has a brilliant party, balloon man Steve was just perfect! and Shaun the sheep came too,although shaun wasnt popular with the brirthday girl although Lottie loved him before the party! fickle toddles, you can never win! he is her fave programme!
Lottie was most pleased to see her handsome friend Sam from nursery! a real great surprise for her, and it made her day ! ours too, lovely to see them so happy and playing nicely. she loved her new bike even if she did nearly brake daddy's back as he had to push it around for her! all her and our friends were there and we hope they enjoyed it as much as we did, she has so many beautiful presents, thank you to you all for coming and making it such a good time! already thinking about next year!
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