I m in COMPLETE REMISSION! well up just typing the words!
went for my pre chemo bloods, normal routine, had been the week from hell for me and everyone else too, irritable and feeling lost and out of control. If I'm honest I wanted to smash something up! butt he denby crockery at home was too expensive! lol
Had my bloods as lister and then saw a missed call from my nurse, my heart lept into my mouth, why was she calling, bad news i was convinced, warning me of bad news, so I didn't make a show of myself in clinic on Thursday!
didn't want to call her back, too frightened! what would she say, but had to call!
she told me she had the results! she has seen the PET scan, and it was all gone, what does that mean i asked her hoping with all my heart it meant what I thought it did)
"it means the cancer has gone, its clear, nothing there, your in remission"
I broke down, couldn't speak, was it right, had I actually won
were they sure it was my scan, my results
I m clear, free, I did it, we did it, beat the unbeatable, survived the worst, all the horrendous months worth it, every thing is mine again, I can have my life back, I can be a mum, a wife, a sister, a daughter, cousin, niece, granddaughter, friend again.... most importantly I can be ME
so we did it, all together like I hoped we would, couldn't have done it without my family and friends
, they have been truly amazing, cant even begin to say how good, good isn't a good enough word!
fantastic, amazing, brilliant splendid, special, exceptional, superb...magificant
one more chemo, on 11th July, recovery and I m there, Lenny you lost, what a loser you are, we knew you were stupid and you didn't know who you were messing with, I wasn't going down without a huge fight! wish i felt well enough to celebrate, but real celebration will be when its the real end, we aren't there yet, more chemo to get over, and its fed harder each time, But I can do it once more, even if last night I wasn't sure, I feel stronger again today, and I wont be beaten or broken down.
Boys ride done, raised over a £1000 , well done, couldn't be prouder of them all, and everyone who endured the down pour to support them , what a brilliant bunch of amazing people! love you all x
so I m counting AGAIN, counting remission days, let the party commence!
( just as soon as I feel better)
cant believe it! Remission! the best word in the world
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