continued Feb 11th, the dark day

just had another iv of antibiotics, more to follow at 10pm, Mum and Mand have arrived , got some company yippee!

thanks Sal for the bits today, Milk was great, have a sore mouth so cant eat or drink too much, so lived on the rich teas and the milk, life saver Sal and the other 'aquired!' items! lol

where was I want to finish this story, its a bit like therapy......

We took the call,we were outside waiting for the PET scan, the Doctor said she had my results but wanted to check I wasn't alone, knew it wasn't going to be good when she said that, I said just tell me I can handle it I thought, its Lymphoma, thought must ring Keith, what about Lottie, they need you to go to London now, to stay and start chemo right away, Shite ! must be bad I thought, tears upset and emotion followed, Super sis stayed calm, spoke to the specialist, wrote in my precious book,  called Keith, heard bike crash and dont remember the rest of the calls I made

I m looking at the precious book now, Dr Lambert, and a mobile number, still lovely neat writing Mand, you are so good to me, huge letters at the top read TREATABLE!  Well done Mand, superstar sister as always.
It also says drive there, we didn't, we went to station, parked filled my case with stuff, as much as could get in there,  and tried to walk up the road, I felt terrible so as we walked, Mand saw cab station, wait there she said I ll find out how much, 35 quid, right, lets do that, you cant drive into London Mandy I said, good job too as were were shell shocked in the car, calling family, camt remember what I said there either, probably  best I don't
rememebr Cous Emma being super brave but have found out it didnt last! well done Em, for keeping it together for me, Love you

Mand continued to be super powered, we arrived and I told Keith to stay with Lottie, make her have a good day, they said treaable, lets see what the Consultant says when we ge there, you can come up aftger she goes to bed, dont let her see anyone upset. Do some make or cakes or something, Sent Da round to check on them, what a good one he is.

Went in and it was lush, really new, clean all the things I didnt expect, then the troops arrived, so many of them, must be something terrible

followed a list of misery
its cancer, Lymphoma, its got bigger since we scanned and you may have b symptoms so we must start chemo ASAP
No more children, No more hair, its just hair, ok I like scarves and accessories

I said, its ok, I got perfect first time, have you seen my baby Lottie she is amazing, no time to harvest any eggs, and my heart broke inside really.

so much info, papers, people, things to do, it was mad but they were brilliant,, Mum and dad arrived, bone marrow test needed, needle in the hip, they can all stay I said, I cant do it on my own, not after last weeks biopsy through my chest

started preparing a shcedule, for people to stay over the room was huge, massive, with sofa, they said dont worry someone can stay with you all night everynight, you can come and go if your up to it, down to shop cafe etc, started to think we cna do this, easy, only a few drugs, wont be alone, Lottie can visit, she ll like the tv and she loves the train!

wrote mum a list for stuff for Keith to bring back in the morning, Mandy was going to stay, we were supposed to be staying together, was supposed to be radioactive for the scan , and Lottie knows all about that, be fine, can see her tomo.

I started to feel more poorly, think I have the flu I said, had to have a test, if positive then I need to eb isolated for the other paitents cant risk the infection, i m sure it will be ok I thought

Keith arrived after a funny night, we made the most of it, laughed giggled etc Claire came to meet us, was odd as all seemed ok, I m sure they wont remember it like that but I do
Keith arrived, what a relief, Mand and Claire left for home, then the results came..... the flu

off to isolation, no one can stay got to do this alone.. I can do it I thought, but not seeing Lottie, I m tough, I can do this! gave myself a talking to had the first sets of chemo and felt ok, dont they know I m the amazing healing woman, had c section and went home the next day, I ll show them!